I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
