I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
