Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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