I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
