She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
