Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish my penis had an off switch
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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