he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
