you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
