It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
