Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
