NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
