it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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