What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
