roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
