I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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