My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
