i would punch a child for taco bell
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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