What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
