We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
