You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
