i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this just has baby written all over it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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