I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
