fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
