Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
