Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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