i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
