i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
