He is such a slut. More and more my type.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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