Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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