and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
