Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Fuck appropriateness.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
