He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
