Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
