Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
