You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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