i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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