When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
