I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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