Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
