Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
