So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
