That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
