Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
