she was so not down for the gang bang
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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