I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
