apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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