I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
