He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My penis needs a shock collar
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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