okay pat passed out under dana's car
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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