She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Two words: blizzard sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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