He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
