She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
