nut hugger
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
