We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
