you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
