It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
