If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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