I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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