Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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