i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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