I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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