He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
