Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize