I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize