wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
