Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i already hear my dad disowning me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
