Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
