She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
