so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
