exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
