Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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